Friday, November 2, 2012
Memoirs From the On-Line Dating King: Part I
Yours truly, Blaze Hemingway, is indeed the king of on-line dating. Some of my women readers may be thinking, "Blaze? You were on an on-line dating site? Fuh real??" And some of my men readers are probably thinking, "Damn Bee!...on-line dating king? That's wuts up!" Well, (in my circus-master voice) Ladies and gentleman..boys and girls, pay full attention to what I have in store for ya right here, right now!
Actually I'm not quite the on-line dating king...well, not officially. And, there is so much more to the matter than what I'm letting on. So, here's the story: During the past two weeks I have been chatting it up with the best, and the worst, of women along the East Coast. My friends were really surprised that yours truly would venture to an on-line dating site. Like most people, I had my doubts..and oddly, I still do. Without any further ado, this is how it all started: A dear friend led me to one particular site after she confessed that her cyberspace relationship had turned soar when she'd discovered that her male friend was actually married. After learning this, I stated to her that dating sites were mainly environments for "jumpoff activity"; well, it is as far as most men are concerned. I even vowed to go on the site myself to prove a point that men are on there just to seek out some quick sexual action; and to prove that the women who on these sites are helpless bait waiting to be emotionally victimized. So...away I went.
To steer away the women who were seriously seeking relationships, I developed a profile with the username yalhosread. Get it? Yall Hoes Read? Well, I don't know if I was actually asking hos if they really read, or if I was actually telling hoes to read; nevertheless, the goal was not to waste the time of serious-minded women..so please, don't think less of me. Still, that idea didn't work out as I expected. Either the majority of women can't decode word groupings, or they simply don't care at all. Anyway, the action was jumping, right off the bat. My profile picture was the same as that of my facebook, twitter, and blogger pages; also, there were no changes in my given profession; you know, writer/blogger/freelancer, whatever.
All had gone according to plan; despite having to repeatedly tell very serious seekers that I was on for ulterior motives. The result: Younger women disregarded the username and were quite interested, women in their thirties were super cautious (which pleased me), but were still interested; and women who were forty and older were extremely tired of the games that the men were playing, but were still a bit interested. Those that I chatted with the most were the few that decoded yalhosread. They thought the name was simply hilarious. They were also the ones who gave me the most vital information about on-line dating. All of my new friends had the same story: basically, all the men on the site were super-aggressive (which is basically one thing that I wanted to prove). However, there were variables that I've encountered which were quite unpredictable, and very surprising.
So, stay tuned for next weeks blog. Believe me, there's a whole lot more to reveal.
Hint: Poor Blaze learns a lesson of his own.