Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Celibacy Is Not What You Think, Believe Me

Look, I'm gonna get right to the point. Celibacy is not what you think it is.  It really isn't.

You see, being away from a man or woman in a sexual manner is not the definition of being celibate.  I mean, all means ladies, use those toys that satisfy those dreamy little needs of yours.  And men, go ahead and touch yourself in that way that helps you get good sleep at night, if that's what you so choose.  But do know this, you're definitely not practicing celibacy by simply being away from a sexual partner.

It's like this: when you're abstaining from physical sex with another person, you're really not being celibate if you're touching yourself in that way.  I'll reiterate.  If you are stimulating yourself in a self-satisfying manner, thus providing a form of sexual release, then you are not abstaining from sex.  In essence, you are in a relationship; but it's one involving yourself.  Now, I'm not knocking you for what you're doing (to yourself); but I am trying to clarify that you are still having sex (with yourself).

So you see, my dear woman; I know that you're saying that it's been 8 months since you've been in a sexual relationship; however, (in the words of my television superhero Maury Povich) the lie detector reveals that too is a lie!  In fact; you were with someone only 16 hours ago... that person being yourself!  I mean.. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that.  But, uhmm...I'm just sayin'.

So, the next time you're on a date with that guy or gal and you're sitting at the high-table at Starbucks and the topic arise;  please be honest with that potential love one.  Just tell them that you've been, uhmm... managing yourself sexually.

Hmm... managing--yourself--sexually.  I kinda like the sound of that.

No comments:

Post a Comment