Pam Oliver: The NFLs Favorite Auntie

My goodness! There have been so many jokes made of Fox sports reporter Pam Oliver throughout the years.

The jests mainly targeted her hair, or weave (not that there's anything wrong with that) which radiated with assorted colors, a look that she's maintained for over a decade as a Fox network employee. Pam's specialty is on-the-field reporting. She interviews professional football players and coaches in their most intense moments; and by the way, Super Bowl Sunday marks the last day of her contract with the network.

Pam gives you the game day forecast, the injury report, the mood of the locker room, and acts as a comforting older sister to hundreds of professional players. Or better yet, Oliver plays the role as that of a favorite auntie to a number of black ballplayers, accounting for over 70 percent of the National Football League.

Over a week ago we consumed as about as much YouTube feeds and news reports that one could possible stand of Seattle Seahawks cornerback, Richard Sherman, as he voiced his extrme dislike of 49ers receiver Michael Crabtree. All of it was facilitated by terrified reporter Erin Andrews.  Stanford graduate Sherman was labeled a thug; and poor Andrews (bless her heart) was pitied by millions. However, had Pam Oliver conducted the interview...thats right, Auntie Pam; well, not only would it not have been an issue, but Auntie Pam would have simply made the matter an "Oprah moment." Auntie Pam would've had a crying Sherman bouncing on her knee while he released pent-up frustrations about his lack of breast-feeding as a child ...or something of the such.

The truth of the matter is that Auntie Pam has been holding the NFL down for years.  Similar to how Lisa Salters (google her) has been a crucial part of the NBA, Pam Oliver has been doing the same in a sport where the aggression level in players is five times higher.  So, lets recognize years of quality work when we see it. Auntie Pam is no longer the water cooler conversation for her game day hairdo, but a model reporter who has been protecting high-adrenaline and egocentric athletes from their own stupidity for years. 

Her name is Pam Oliver. By all means, google her too.

The Truth About Beyonce & Jay Z's Fake Marriage

I am so sorry; I've offended you haven't I? Of course I did. It's Beyonce; and you all just love you some Beyonce. Hell, we all love us some Beyonce. She's one of the most talented women we've ever seen. And energetic?? Oh-my-God, that woman can perform like no other.  And her husband? Jay Z? Without a doubt, he's one of the best hip-hop entertainers of all times.  How he manages to stay relevant year after year, I truly do not know.  Never has there been a couple who have had so much influence in the world of entertainment. Never!

However.. I honestly can't believe that Bey and Jay have this so-called "perfect marriage." That's right, I said it. Now, don't misconstrue my words for those of a hater. Let the record show: Blaze Hemingway is no hater!  Hell, I hope Bey and Hov make money by the yacht-load for the rest of their lives if that's their true desire; AND I hope that baby Blu Ivy will one day attend Harvard, and maybe she'll even study abroad and eventually become one of the world's top scientist who discoverd a next-day pill that cures cancer. Yeah, that's right. The Carters are indeed that perfect. Well, that's what you think. They can absolutely do no wrong and you'll defend them to the end because somehow your spiritual being has aligned with theirs and you all have become one harmonious entity. Right?  Sure you do. 

Still, hundreds of thousands have gone on social media sites defending Beyonce and Jay Z as if they were the newly proclaimed King and Queen of the United States. It's as if you truly believe that everything about them is just...I don't know, perfect. Perfect?? Certainly, I give them credit for masterfully entertaining us; although that which we see through a prism of smokey TMZ camera lenses is perhaps the most awkward of any kind of relationship that I recall seeing.  Well...you saw their performance at the recent Grammy Awards.  It looked no different than it normally does, an odd pairing.  Odd that Jay Z timidly touches his own wife on her bottom as if she's that scary chick, Lorde or somebody. (I do dig you Lorde!)  Bey and Hov do kiss in public, but it always looks like a strong horrifying peck. And their conversations? What do they talk about? How do they communicate with one other. I sometimes shiver at the thought of meeting Beyonce at Starbucks for a casual talk. Without a doubt, she's pure eye candy; but I don't see the two of us discussing memoirs of W.E.B. Dubois.

It's fake, I tall ya. It's all freakin' fake! Something either isn't right with this marriage or something isn't right with the two of them. Surely, Bey has some insecurities there..you know, with that whole intelligence thing. (I love you Bey!) And of course, Jay isn't the most attractive man in the world (You're my dude, Hov!) So.., maybe the strength of their bond derives from the overcoming of their own issues, rather hidden or visible. And certainly, if it were a functional marriage then they could share they weaknesses with one another and as a result enable themselves to become whole. Through their wholeness comes their strength, and channeling through their strength is the constant flow of their talent. Therefore, that which you see as awkward could be nothing more than a speckle on a shiny surface, yet layered beneath is something so potent that it fuels the fire which eventually entertains us all. It's the Hov and Bey show; and we joyfully engulf every bit of it.

Sure, they're a little corny, but we like it.  They're human. We love that quality.  It's the reason why we marvel; and it explains why in the eyes of millions they can do no wrong. We love it! We have to have it! It's the most welcoming fusion of talent on the face of the earth.  It's Maudi Gras and the Super Bowl wrapped into one. It's the best of both worlds and there is not substitution.  They're all things and everything.  So certainly they're worth defending to the very end, right?  It's Bey and Jay!  Jay and Bey!  Hov and Queen Bey!  Oh-my-God, it's the best thing ever!!


But still though...it gotta be fake-a## marriage, right?

Who The Hell Is Richard Sherman?

Ah, you’ve seen it.  Richard Sherman’s thunderous comments after the NFC Championship football game in which his team, the Seattle Seahawks, beat the San Francisco 49ers to move on to play in the Super Bowl.  If you have seen it, then you’ve also seen Fox sports reporter, Erin Andrews, approach Sherman after the game, thrust a microphone into his face and asked him about his game saving pass deflection from rival player Michael Crabtree with only seconds left in game regulation.

Yeah, you’ve seen it.  It was a direct comment aimed at his opponent similar to other performances and utterances used by the All-Pro defensive back to win a psychological war against opponents. It was great, it was entertaining, and it was basically right on.  Sherman’s comment was the topic of discussion throughout the following day.  “Sherman had no right to say that!” and “Sherman is no more than a common thug!”  Those were some of the remarks mentioned by sports writers and water cooler gatherers alike.  Well, did Sherman lie?  A question was asked; and in the spirit of the moment, Sherman answered it... in extreme.

The Compton, California born, Stanford educated player who could have left early for the NFL but returned for his final year of eligibility in order to begin a Master degree indeed voiced his opinion of the final defensive play of the game.  Sherman, who overcame much in his lifetime, wrote a column immediately afterwards to reply to people referring to him as being a thug and a brute. Richard Sherman holds a degree in Communications and is fully capable of expressing himself in any form and in any situation.  However, when you ask someone a question after a win over his team's rival, after physically beating the competitor on the gridiron, while playing in an environment that is recorded as one of the loudest places in the world; well, the response that you get is….well, that is the response that you get. 

  

So, who’s the thug here?  The Stanford graduate who gave nearly his entire physical and mental being in front of millions of viewers; or the one who looks at a black man with dreadlocks who expresses every ounce of himself and then considers him to be a brute because his boisterous response is in the presence of an attractive-looking white woman (hey now, no disrespect intended).  

In the week that we celebrate Dr. Martin Luther King Day, the man who is the voice behind the concept of judging one by the content of their overall character alone, there is no way that we can not look at ourselves and truly discover the source of our opinions regarding Richard Sherman’s words.  And if you were more concerned about the matter because you're a 49ers fan then I certainly understand why you don’t like Richard Sherman.  However, if you think that he poorly represents black people, or if you feel that he’s simply a man filled with ignorance; well, continue to dig deeper into your thoughts.  Perhaps you have a few more issues than you originally thought.

So congratulations to you, Richard Sherman; and not simply because you won a football game, but because you perfectly conveyed your message.  Somehow, you've managed to speak to our souls, as well as our ears.  Hmm....it must be that Compton upbringing.

   

5 Secrets To Good Sex Revealed...From Real Men

Sex secrets??!! Sure, why not? I've got no problem telling women about our sex secrets. Besides, no entertainment topics were worth writing about this week; and I'm sure the fellas have no problem with me schooling you on a few private things. Quite frankly, there are a good number of men who don't care how women feel about their love-making. Yeah, sounds horrible, right? But it's very true.

You see, sex is a simple matter for men.  We understand that you want it, we try to make ourselves available to give it to you, we know that there's gonna be at least a few moments of the really good stuff, and then, well... it's over. And that's the truth. HOWEVER, I'm about to reveal to you a real man's guide to good sex. That's right, personal thoughts from the abnormal.  You see, I love you all so much that I'm gonna give you this much desired info for free. It's the least that I could do for my beloved readers. Of course, you are my beloved readers, right?  I mean, you've already read my book, Twelve Lessons From Women, right?... Right?  Still, here we go.  Five secrets to good sex revealed (the clean version):

1.  prepping:  Yeah, prepping.  I mean, you just can't rush into it. Well, you shouldn't just rush into it.  Men are impatient creatures by nature; but real men know that preparing your partner for sex is a necessary act. Kissing is essential.  We use to kiss a lot when we were younger. The good news for women is that as men have gotten older they've found that kissing on areas south of the lips to be more acceptable now. Wow!! Did he just say that? Damn right I did.. and it's true.  Good sex requires good prep work; and of course, women just so happen to love oral pleasure.  But ladies, don't expect him to spend all night down there.  He has far more things to do.

2. listening:  Yeah, well...I'm not talking about listening to your gossipy stories about your best friend, Karen, who just broke up with her third boyfriend in the past two months and who was just placed on probation at her job and who nearly forgot her own child's birthday, and who..... well, you get the picture. No, I'm talking about his listening to your responses after the touching and cooing or other stimulating acts which he should damn well be knee deep in right now.  Whatever he's doing that has you moaning and squirming, he should be intensifying that very spot until you're ready to receive all that he's equipped to give.

3.connecting:  Well, of course he's connecting.  You both are full at it right now.  But he's done with his prep work and he's heard the things that you like, so now it's time get to that much anticipated state of oneness. It's what the moment is all about, right?  Or did you forget? Believe me, he's a guy so he sure as hell haven't.  He's been thinking about that moment since the ballgame ended.  So now he's eager to connect, and he's mindful of approaching in a way that will keep you at a high sensual state. He already knows your favorite spots soooo...next comes the massaging and probing of your female area with his manness.  Things should be going pretty well at this point. Forgive me...things should be going freakin' great at this point!

4. all in:  Real men know that you have to go all in every-single-time.  All in, you say?  Yes...all-freakin-in! The hot stuff, the heavy stuff, the intense stuff, the fast stuff, the rough stuff, the grabbing, the squeezing, the grinding, the beat up, and basically anything else that's gonna get you where you need to go. You wanted him to be in control and he's responded to your need to the fullest.  He was all-freakin in; and you gotta admit, it felt good.  It felt damn good!

5. maintaing the vibe:  Real men keep the vibe going. You've peaked, he's peaked, and he's well aware that he should remain connected even though you can barely stand another sexual movement. What I mean by connecting is, his manness is still in your spot...or his hands are still touching your sensitive areas...or his kissing is keeping your body temperature at a heightened level. He's maintaining that vibe because your were worth the extras. It had crossed your mind that you wanted him to back off a little but you know you really don't; and he knows that too. Yeah...he's still vibing with you; and it's the best sh#t in the world.

Ahh...the work that real men put in to please that special someone. Sounds unfamiliar?  Oh my goodness...you poor thing.  Well, there's plenty of real men out there if you're interested.  But hey, at least you now know what the secrets are!  Now all you have to do is teach your special someone that which he doesn't know. Or....uhmmm, you could extend your search for that real one who is surely qualified for the job (hey!.. I'm talking to the single ladies only here).  Because I have heard that there are still quite a few of 'em out there. Still though, don't tell everybody. Keep in mind now, this is still our little secret.