Monday, October 14, 2013

5 Things Men Want Their Women To Do (Clean Version)

Words can't express how much we love our ladies. We love you so much that we're seriously thinking about putting a ring on it... if we haven't done so already.  And whatever you want us to do (within reason), believe me, we will certainly do it. That, my dear, is a promise.  However, there is a little something that you could do for us. Actually, there's five things that you can do for us.  Well, uhmm...uhh... if you don't mind, dear.

So here they are:  Number One.  Please, understand the importance of wearing that favorite thing that we like. Some guys like to see their ladies in a pair of snug-fitted boy shorts, others like to see their women in leather or lace. Personally, I go bananas over a number of things, but one of my favs is that ever-provocative crop top t-shirt. Oh yes. The crop top is a man's true friend.  The beauty of the crop top is that it does everything.  It shows off the goods plus its easy access; and dudes freakin' love 'em. Buy one, make one, do whatever you gotta do...just get it. And I promise, for every three times you wear it, I'll wash your car once.  How 'bout that?  And we'll seal that deal with a pinky-locking vow.

Number Two.  We love sexy mid-day photos.  I mean, think about it.  We're at work forced to think about the bossman's new ideas, and his even dumber suggestions for quality improvement...or some other bs.  All of a sudden...bam! We check our phones and lo and behold, there's a sexy photo of our sweet thing in that uber-sexy office skirt.  Well what do you know, we're in love all over again. All of a sudden it had just become the best Wednesday we've ever had in our life.

Number Three.  Always inform us when you tell your fake bff to go eff herself.  We both know that she's trifling; and you know that I know that she's trifling as hell.  The problem is that you've known each other since the second grade.  Well geez!  You don't want to go through that three-day-consuming argument for the 17th time so you continue to ignore her foolishness. However, today was the day that you've had enough, dammit! She must've told somebody that you said something about someone...which was probably true. Nevertheless, it happened; and although we both know that the beef is only temporary, I'm still glad that you said it.  It makes a guy's day.

Number Four.  Give us at least one solid eff-up per month. Come know us.  You know almost everything about us; therefore, you know were gonna eff-up.  It's like clockwork; so just shake you head and keep it moving.  We don't know why we did that stupid thing.  I mean, it's just what we do.  So please, just excuse at least one eff-up per month.  Thank you.

Number Five.  Let us watch the game.  Period.  We like competition.  Real men can't get enough of it.  You know the game is suppose to come on; so please, don't schedule that extreme feminine thing (that for some odd reason you think we want to be apart of) on that day.  Geez! It's the playoffs, or something or damn, let us just watch it.  Because ladies, believe me when I tell ya...if you walk across the tv screen in that super sexy crop top t-shirt while we're watching the game then, well... that game (no matter how important we said it was) no longer matters for sh#t.  I'm just sayin.